no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
