No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
