saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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