apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
