im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
