note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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