I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize