I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
