ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
