thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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