Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Reggie can tackle my bush.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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