Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize