the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
