That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I just want nice things and good sex
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
