high people should be assigned attendants
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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