Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
