That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
