I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
