STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I smell like Dick and happiness
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
