Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
