I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
