So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
