well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
