fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
