I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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