He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
