She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize