this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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