You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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