I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
