dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
