OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this will be a night to untag.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
