new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
