the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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