She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
im holly from the hills drunk
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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