if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
