I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
