Life is so much better after having sex.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
