I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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