really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
