just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
