everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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