I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
