so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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