i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
