I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
