he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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