Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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