It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
