All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize