Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
