Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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