either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
