Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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