A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
