Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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