i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
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