It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
