i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
