My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
farters have to be the big spoon...
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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