I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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