Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
