Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
