I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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