Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
