Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
