wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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