Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Randomize
