i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
