Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
