What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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