When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
